"it's the tragedy of loving, you can't love anything more than something you miss."

extremely loud & incredibly close

I think one of the strangest feelings is the realization that you can physically miss someone. For a long time, I always thought of missing someone as an emotional thing: you don't see someone for a while, and you think of him/her, and you think, oh, I miss you, and your heart interprets it almost as a visit from a distant past. And then there's the physical I miss you so much, I can hardly breathe that reaches into you and claws at your heart until you sit there and you think this wave of emotion is something I could live without (but I'd rather not because the feeling of missing someone is something worth feeling).

I don't miss people physically often. When it happens, it almost always catches me by surprise, because I never like to admit to myself that someone means so much to me that I might miss him to an unnaturally intense extent (whether or not this because I am afraid or simply naive, I do not know). And it's pointless of me to even feel this way because the moment in which I do see or talk to him is always most anticlimactic. It is just the knowledge that he is there, that he is in front of me, that makes me smile for a moment.

"Sonnet XVII", Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were a rose of salt or topaz

or an arrow of carnations spreading fire:

I love you the way certain dark things are loved,

in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you like the flower that does not bloom

But conceals within itself the light of those flowers,

and thanks to your love, within the darkness of my body

lives the suffocating aroma that rises from the earth.

I love you neither knowing how, nor when, nor from where;

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride:

I love you thus, not knowing how to love you otherwise

than this way whereby neither you nor I exist,

so close that your hand on my chest is mine,

so close that your eyes grow heavy as I fall asleep.

Back from the dead.

Life's been going, to say the least. I suppose I can say life is good, because nothing particularly bad has happened. I'm in college, I've been meeting new people, making new friends. It's a big deal, I have to admit, and sometimes I do miss home a lot. As of late, I have been surrounded by people in love, and as per usual, I am left out of this lovefest. But it's okay, because as Kerwin says, I'm love-drunk in my own way.

Lalala... my life is always so boring when written out. So many things happening at once, and yet nothing sounds exciting when I sit down and try to tell others. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe it means I'm living my life day by day for all its worth. As a result of a recent turn of events, I have decided to live in the moment, for the most part. If something or someone makes me smile now, then I will sure as hell let myself be happy while it lasts.